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On this page, I'll post some jottings and put up some MP3 files of bits from the Citizen Kafka Radio Show (may contain frank language) of the 1980's and beyond.
Today this page is brought to you by EZpants. Get in the fast lane to exquisite comfort with EZ pants from the makers of Ballon Seat Briefs Those in the know look for the sign that says : "EZ pants only". As I sit here jacked on a venti crakaccino, I think of the night my Uncle Emery went berserk and we found him flailing, making tomato sauce angels on the kitchen table. This was the same uncle who lost his fortune in the toy business by manufacturing anatomically correct limberjacks and was later instrumental in developing Jihad Barbie. What word sounds less like its meaning than "salubrious"? Community Bulletin Board September 9: "The Crazy Pops Summer Bopathon Under the Stars" continues this month with the ska-delic post monk sounds of the Meher Wagner love machine. Come and sway soundlessly, eyes tightly shut starting at nine or when lavender gloaming becomes Kandinsky just-night.
September 12: The central Queens premiere of the jazz opera - “Kaddish for Clarabelle” a command seven hour performance by the Hubert Humphrey trio behind the sliding pond at I.S. 241 playground, 34-14 Louima Blvd.,Queens. Oct. 1: grab a courtesy mitzvah tank at any of five midtown locations, head for high holy hijinks at the Lubovitch Passover powwow, and get a one dollar cash rebate. Avenue Y and the desert in Boro beach. This autumn the clutch cargo space explores the trans-ethnic enigma in cinema:
Oct.5: “the Tibetan prayer wheel of fortune” hosted by those twin divas of Japanese puppet scifi - Fern and Edna Mothra Oct.12 : the 1933 MGM comic romp - “A Night Best Forgotten” (Comrade Daisy) featuring a cameo appearance by Joseph Stalin. Oct.26 : Eisenstein anticipates Disney in the 1919 animated epic - “Patriotic Duck”. That’s at the Clutch Cargo Space - 125 Transmigration Alley in Ohho. NY Nightlife And don’t forget Velda and Paco’s Pigeon Jungle. Velda’s Estonian-trained costume staplers will have you screaming in disbelief at the antics of New York’s own bacteria bombers. Watch Blinky, No-Toe, Cap’n Baldy and the others strut their stuff every Tuesday night. Remember there are always five shows an hour one to four AM at Velda and Paco’s Pigeon Jungle. That’s at the loading dock of the Extremely Fortunate Trading Company Number 14 Canal Street.
Last Minute Shopping
This holiday season think inside the box for one of a kind gifts and decorations. For 60 to 90 days, the Rikers Island Gift Shoppe will be open 9 to 9 for your special shopping needs. Inmate artists and craftsmen offer unique values like this macramé condom caddy only $29.99. Woven asbestos Santa crack pipe cozy - $19.00. How about these combination toothbrush / eyegouges in 3 holiday colors -$5.00. Outsider art? Check out “Sleigh Ride in Olde Central Park” done in blood and fecal matter - an astounding $59.99. Follow the flashing neon Giuliani to the Rikers Island Detention Center Gift Shoppe. Tell any clerk that Buddy Fortune said hello, slip him a deck of Luckies and receive a 40% discount.
SECRET LIFE OF AVENUES Madison Avenue is of no use to anyone at all Columbus Avenue believes it’s making great progress in its traditional Freudian psychotherapy. Tenth Avenue still plays the trombone. Park Avenue is simply appalled at First Avenue who, though a retiree with a comfortable pension, will occasionally on late winter nights, go through Second Avenue’s garbage. Lexington Avenue no longer fits into her Capri pants. It’s not widely known, but Eighth Avenue would have done prison time if Seventh Avenue hadn’t borrowed bail money from the dowager buildings on upper Broadway. The Ansonia in particular delighted in making her squirm as she asked. IF ELVIS I’m glad Elvis died fore his brain pan got fried and exuded that old person smell fore he lost his guitar and the keys to his car and the lyrics to Heartbreak Hotel it seems to me that the King would agree if he and the boys were still here he’d rather the drugs than a weird Vegas rug and a collagen reinforced sneer. All material is the sole property of Kenny Kosek
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